My husband, Ben, and I got married right out of college. As we navigated those young married years of trying to figure out our “purposes,” there was one thing we knew for sure- we wanted to have kids. For as long as I can remember, it was never a question whether I wanted to be a mother. I loved children and had worked with them all growing up and, in fact, became a nanny right out of college (really utilizing that Psychology degree!).
So when our parenting journey began three years into our marriage, I felt mostly prepared and excited. I’ve come to believe that each of us has a “parenting wheelhouse,” a stage where parenting comes more naturally, we’re confident and in the zone. The first five years are my personal jam. I loved it. Those early years of parenting were a hazy blur of joy, exhaustion, and wonder. When our oldest was two and a half, we had our second child, and when she was two and a half, along came our third. My world became delightfully small, encompassing our sweet little family and our kiddos were smack-dab in the center.
I took my role as sacrificial mother seriously. Convinced that this was my calling, I made it all about my children- whatever they needed took precedence. My own needs weren’t even on my radar. Looking back I see that I lost part of myself in becoming selfless. By the time surprise baby #4 came along four years after our third, I was in-over-my-head, but certain that all was as it was meant to be. I think back to that overwhelmed mother of so many littles, smitten with her kids but tired and spent and beginning to resent the fact that so many of her needs were going unmet. I have so much compassion for her, and am thankful for all I have learned since.
Everyone is a parenting expert until they have kids. Before I became a mother, I never could have imagined how hard it would be. There were the inevitable challenges- tantrums, sleep issues, fighting siblings, but there were also some bigger issues, not the least of which was a child with mental health and behavioral struggles.These unexpected challenges came with shame, and I felt unqualified to handle them well, often tucking them away in the presence of other mothers. I spent countless hours of time and energy trying to learn all I could about kids and parenting, so I could “fix” my parenting struggles. I’m sure I don’t have to tell you the wide variety of techniques, theories, and advice available to parents. In the end, it left me exhausted and a bit confused about what to do.
In the midst of all this, I joined a group. Not one specifically about motherhood, just women supporting one another. I began to share, to open up and spill it all out between us. My failures, my fears, my struggles. I had shared with a few good friends before, but this felt different. There was a concerted effort to hold space for all the big and hard and ugly truths of our lives. And as I laid it all out there, I began to understand myself better: what I felt, what I wanted, and what I needed. Things I had been burying down deep in the name of selflessness, of motherhood. This jump-started my journey toward self-awareness.
Not only was my ability to release a gift, but I noticed the power between us as women- to be able to say, “Me too,” and “That’s so hard,” and “I’m sorry.” Simply being a witness to one another’s journeys. It ignited a spark in me, longing for this camaraderie in my own life, and longing to offer it to other mothers. It occurred to me that parent coaching would enable me to do that, and how much I would have benefitted from that kind of help when I was struggling as a mother. And when I pondered how much I was still in the thick of it, staying home with all my little ones, I put this precious dream on a shelf in the back of my cluttered mind. And in the midst of my busy life, I sort of forgot about it.
Until my youngest was entering school, and I realized I would have some time and space to figure out my next step. How could I make a difference in this world? As I explored the possibility of getting my masters or various other options, something glimmered in the back of my mind. Suddenly it all came back to me, the power of this dream, and it felt like the next right step. So I embarked on a 15-month program to become a certified parent coach, and I am so grateful for the journey. I learned so much, and now I feel empowered to empower other parents.
Parenting is hard. It can be so isolating, and it’s easy to get caught up in what we think we “should” do. If I bought into “shoulds” anymore, I would be buried under them. If I’ve learned anything in my 16 years of parenting, it’s that there is no one right path. Our families are unique, our children are unique, and therefore, the path we each take will be unique as well. My hope for each of us is to let go of all the “shoulds” and discover what it is that we WANT for our families.
What is important to you? That’s where I come in. I come alongside parents to support them in finding their Parent Path, what they want for their family. Then I help them find ways to take practical steps toward that. This process is not magic; it takes baby steps, focusing on the good, intentionality, and commitment from both of us. I’m passionate about supporting other parents through empowerment, kindness, authenticity, and encouragement. If I can support mothers who feel in over their heads like I have (and still do, honestly), I count myself lucky to be a part of that sacred journey.
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